I've been thinking about the future. About Hemamal Studios, my writing, school and other ventures. And despite myself… I've become an entrepreneur. It's not a bad thing, in fact I think it'll help me open up more and discover my true self, meet my limits and surpass them. But it is kind of hard to wrap my head around.

When I was trapped in my 'unnatural darkness,' things and money were the currency of love for me. I felt that if I wasn't given things when I asked or special times that I was unloved. Since overcoming that on my own and removing that equation from my mind, it's put an aversion to materialism in my mind. Not that I don't like getting gifts or money, I appreciate everything I'm given or earn, it's that I fear falling back into that 'unnatural' mindset. It took a lot for me to grow from that point and I don't want to backslide.

Right now, I have a lot of family commissions that I'm working on or that are in the waits that I am pretty much charging the bare minimal for. But I have plans to commission to the public. For months, I've grueled over what I should charge, what's fair, if my skills are good enough. I don't want to charge more than I feel 'I'm worth.' I admit also that my 'unnatural darkness' has a sizable part in my fear. I know that when I begin to sell my work 'I' will become a business. There will be schedules to keep, agreements to forge and…prices to bargain over.
It's kind of scary, but it's what I want! If I could make a living selling my work and teaching other artist, that would be a dream come true! It's what I want to work towards and so far things have been falling and pushing THAT into the realm of possibility. But then comes another thing…

How to gain an audience?

I'm steadily gaining followers on tumblr but what about other social media? I'm not that amazing at gauging people I've never met. I believe my art is good enough but on DeviantArt, where most of my art is, Fan Artists seem to rule. Even crappy fan artist. How do you get yourself out there without joining dozens of groups you have no interest in? I'm not even sure how you can search and connect with other 'talented' unseen artists. :/ 😱😕

And Facebook, I don't even know where to begin other than paying for adspace. Much like DA, I don't want to 'pay' for 'friends.' I mean, on Facebook I will eventually, probably, get adspace because businesses have to promote, but… the feeling… I don't really like it. I've seen many groups on DA where you can pay to become popular or giving points away in a contest. I don't have money for that!

I don't want people to follow me because of that. I admit to trying once (giving watcher's gifts) and it did nothing. Which I was kinda happy about. Kinda… I want people to like, follow, watch, and reblog BECAUSE they like my work or what I have to say or we have the same interests. I don't follow others in hopes they follow me and I wouldn't want the reverse.

So, I'm kinda stuck… twiddling my thumbs.

Aaannndd,

UPDATES:

Nothing much to report. Still working on my Bro's last painting and planning my next couple of paintings.

I did get some more white paint (which I needed dreadfully), a large mixing palette for when I make washes and thin paints, and a handled container for primer. It's going to be very helpful.

Chapter 6 should be done this week. I'm a slacker (so was Da Vinci!! 😝) I know this. -_- I just really hate typing from paper but I can't write [stories] well otherwise.

Yeah, I know.

That's pretty much it.

Much Love,

Hema

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